Rewrites

The week seems to go on and yet the days drip slowly down the calendar like molasses. With great disdain I find myself in a cycle: school, home, procrastination, and, finally, homework. Then whatever time I have left goes to pondering. Of this pondering there are a few different forms, mainly pondering through, reading, writing, music, and empty thought. Each one is pretty self-explanitory. Now I sit, in the procrastination/boredom stage, eating Fritos and typing whatever nonsense enters my mind. In Spanish class the other day, I learned that the frontal lobe is not fully developed until the mid-twenties. Therefore, in the place of the source of most logic and decision making in the brains of teenagers, there is a ball of mush. The decision making process is derived, in the meantime, by the part of the brain which influences emotion, things that drive you. Which is the reason teens are so brash in the majority of their actions. Now that I understand, I'm wondering how it will help any. Rethink as I may, there is literally no way that my thoughts can run fully on the logicality of the situation. Am I therefore trapped in the cycle because the only thing that occupies the decision making of my mind is dull boredom and hopelessness? From being at school, of course. Happiness comes in meager amounts at the worst of times. This is a depressing fact of life, and yet another reason why I cannot stand being grouped in with these children. I declare that I will not deign myself to be this. And yet I cannot overcome what I am. I'm going to think it over, Fritos, hot tea, and a thick hardcover on the wisdom of China to be my pondering materials...

Much Confusion,

Adeline