I Fell On Black Days...

Today was a good day, in aspect. I found my notebook last night, and couldn't stop writing all day (even though I was in school, so I don't know if that's neccessarily a good thing...), I'm going out to buy a new purse later, and I've been reading an old Shakespeare favorite, Macbeth. It's by far one of William's best, which I enjoy deeply. As far as the story: the main characters' names are Christina and Jack. Christina is, essentially, me, and the story is written from her point of view. And Jack is the friend. The relationship between the two becomes extremely personal; they are each other's diary as the story nears its close. But as of now, it's just an alliance. It's slowly progressing into this deep friendship, and along the way, Jack faces intervention, a trip to the ER, and the realization that he must confront his problems in rehabilitation. But before he makes it that far, he dies. I've decided that he ODs, on heroin or something equally as potent. His final goodbye to Christina is a poem. I want to leave it with readers that he knows he may die, and make it unclear as to if this was his intention or not. By leaving something behind for Christina, one may think that he wanted it to be the last she ever heard from him. But then in reading the poem itself, I want readers to reconsider Jack's intentions. As for my own insight, it is unclear if he did or did not commit suicide just yet. I'm only the writer; I don't know him too well at this stage.

Jack's Goodbye: Black Tears

We all cheat
One last time
Before a diet,
Right?
That's why there's
Fat Tuesday
Right before Lent.
So what I'm doing,
It's not so wrong.
Just one last high,
Before I stop,
Before I quit cold turkey.
One last hit,
I can use to warm me,
In long, cold nights
Of the anguish of withdrawal
So soon to come.
Then, Christina,
My inspiration,
The lightness
Which saved me
From the dark
I loved to bring
Upon myself,
You don't have to
Be ashamed
To let me call
The circle
Of your arms
My home.

The part that I want to make the readers think the most is the one where he says, "Then, Christina.../You don't have to/Be ashamed." For, if there is a "then," does that not mean that there will be a next time? But then, is he really addressing Christina in her form? What if the next time is in the next life? Because he calls her his light; is he hoping she'll light his way to see her again in some other way?
It cannot be known.